ROSEY -- reap what you sow

[CAESAR ERIC MONTAGUE]

Rosalie,
Hello from Athens.
The Nott's house is the one in the picture on the front. You can't see my room but it's very nice. My room has a good view. See you in a week.
How is everything at home? You must be busy now. School is about to start. It's a shame that I won't be going with you to Diagon Alley this year. Lorcan knows the best places to buy stuff for school. You should ask him to accompany you.

C.E.M

ROSALIE POSEY HARPER

[ROSALIE POSEY HARPER]

to ||Caesar

It looks very nice, actually. I've not been to their home in Greece; only to the one in France for their Christmas party. I wouldn't expect anything less from Thalia's family.

Everything is well. Mother has me running around trying to gather everything together. She's finally decided on a dress that suits my face. I'd send you a photo of it or show it to you in person, but that's supposed to be bad luck, right? Not that we don't have all the bad luck in the world already.

I'm actually not allowed to go to Diagon Alley for myself this year, thanks. Father had Edward pick up my school list for me, but I have no doubt in my mind that Lorcan would. He's fun in that regards. Thank you for the idea, however. I shall include it in my owl to him.

Hope the rest of your trip is lovely.

from ||Rosalie

CAESAR ERIC MONTAGUE

[CAESAR ERIC MONTAGUE]

Rosalie,
They have houses everywhere - literally!

Oh don't worry, didn't you hear in Rome that you look good in everything? I bet I am not the only one who thinks about you that way. And I wouldn't mind encountering bad luck. Good luck and we are very much unacquainted; thus I suppose a little more of bad luck would not kill anyone, especially me.

They are so thoughtful, as usual, and so is Lorcan. His sense of humor is beyond question I must say. I saw how happy and entertained you were when he was around. Say hi to him for me when you owl him.

And the rest of the trip will be lovely, I'm sure. Thank you. 

C.E.M

P.S: Say hi to Edward for me. Tell him that I was asking for him.  

ROSALIE POSEY HARPER

[ROSALIE POSEY HARPER]

to ||Caesar

It's not like we're much different. We may not have houses in Greece, but we do have other property.

You should tell that to our mothers. I wonder if this is our wedding or theirs. As for how I look, thank you, I suppose. You missed out quite a bit when you walked away and left me. when you suddenly got that migraine. I'm sure the mothers would not like you seeing it. If you get back with enough time, perhaps I'll show you then.

I've never had to pretend with him. I've never had to act like...Thalia or Andrea. I am joyous and entertained by him because he hears me out and believes me when I tell him things. It was refreshing. Not to mention that he liked and noticed me while you treated me like a child. Don't worry; I'll tell him. He's been wanting to speak to you, I think.

Edward extends his own hello, and thanks you for leaving him with no company except that of his family. I try to be relatively good company, but I suppose I fail to meet those  expectations. 

from ||Rosalie

CAESAR ERIC MONTAGUE

[CAESAR ERIC MONTAGUE]

Rosalie,
We don't have other property, Rosey. Our parents do.

I would, if only they would listen. They never listened to our thoughts when they told us about the engagement anyway. But I was there and willing to listen to every thought you had, Rosey. Every single one. And I should be gratefull that I missed out that bit? If I hadn't, I might have ended up having a heart attack instead of a migraine. God bless me.

Katherine sent me a letter a day or two ago. She wouldn't stop rambling on and on about how gorgeous you were in whatever they made you put on. Can't wait to see you at the altar.

I'm glad you are talking about Lorcan in open air instead of bottling up your feelings. You should have done that more often. What do you mean by "act like Thalia and Andrea"? They might pretend, but they don't lie and don't act like a child to be treated like a child.

I left Edward with no company? 

C.E.M

ROSALIE POSEY HARPER

[ROSALIE POSEY HARPER]

to ||Caesar

By that reasoning, Thalia and Cole wouldn't have any other property, either. Nor would Scorpius own any. That also brings the question - would we want any somewhere specifically?

Am I still Rosey? Sometimes, I forget. All I hear around here is "Rosalie", and usually accompanied by "do this" or "don't do that" or my favorite, "For Merkin's sake, again?" I'm not really sure what I'm doing wrong, but I suppose it had to be something...And, I'm sorry. I've apologized so many times before, and I feel like I'll always apologize.

The best part is that nothing matters at this point. No matter what I do, I'll always be apologizing for this and trying to make it up to you both. And, the guilt won't go away. But, I wasn't lying, that day. I do love you. I have loved you for a long time, and I always will. It's different with Lorcan. I meant 'proper' and 'ladylike', and 'academic' in Thalia's case.

I don't act like a child, thank you. But, I do like the option of being free to be my own person. I like being blonde, but I like being brunette when I want. And, you know, I find that slouching is fun. Laughing so hard my sides split is fun. Being affectionate is fun. These aren't really freedoms I get. And, maybe that is a little childish. Maybe you laugh or roll your eyes at this, but it's always about image with us, isn't it?

Yes, you have. I haven't been proper company for him since... I've been 11. Marius is still too immature, and Sarah...

from ||Rosalie

[CAESAR ERIC MONTAGUE]

Rosalie,
Maybe if we had something of our own, no one would have the right to tell us what to do.

And you forgot all the "Let's get out of here, Rosalie" and "Don't tell anyone, Rosalie, it's our secret" and "Ignore them, Rosalie, they will never understand us"? I didn't call you Rosey until you were eight, because I always liked your name, and I still do.

You don't have to apologize or make it up for me. It's me who needs to apologize. I'm so sorry that I kissed you the other day. Sorry that I wasted your time. Sorry that I am the reason why you cannot be with Lorcan. Sorry that I thought you were mine. Sorry that I was actually happy that you didn't opposed to the engagement, though apparently it was just pretending.

I know all of that. The other girls laughed at you and called you Chameleon. Your parents told mine that they were worried about you. But I thought it was cool. I've always loved your free spirit, your childishness, your stubbornness, everything about you, Rosalie.

Then I guess I'll take extra care of him this school year. Tell him not to worry.

P.S: I forgot, I'm sorry that I loved you, too.

C.E.M

ROSALIE POSEY HARPER

[ROSALIE POSEY HARPER]

to ||Caesar

I doubt that. Not because it wouldn't be a nice, ideal thing to happen, but because you know our parents. They would, somehow, still find a way to nag us despite whether or not we would have something on our own.

Caes, I didn't forget. I look back fondly at those memories. When I said that, I mean nowadays. And, while you were the first to give me that nickname, you are not the last. If you ask anyone in Hufflepuff about 'Rosalie' most of them wouldn't know who to direct you to. From the first time that I meet them, they know me as 'Rosey.' I don't remember, exactly, how the nickname came to be so prevalent around the school, nor do I remember exactly when I started to call myself by it instead of by Rosalie.

Honestly, I'm tired of you and Lorcan telling me that all the time. In the situation, there was no one who had more knowledge than I did. And, it was my choice to refrain from telling you both. I wanted to, but I lost my nerve every time. I didn't want to hurt either of you, and now it seems that I've gone and hurt you both. Believe me, Caesar, it's my fault. And, I hate you for apologizing for those things. I do. I am not sorry that you kissed me. I'm the one who returned it, wasn't I? I didn't have to, but I wanted to. Because, I wasn't lying. I wasn't pretending. I wasn't pulling those words out of no where when I said them to you. I do love you, and I do want to marry you. I'm sorry that I haven't sorted my feelings out for Lorcan, but the two of us know that we can't continue much longer. Only, neither of us exactly want to break up with the other via post.

At first, I was opposed to the engagement. Opposed because I wasn't entirely sure if you saw me for an adult and not a child. You'd never looked at me that way before. Always like a little sister or the little girl you still needed to take care of because she had no friends. I had Lorcan to think about, and I thought that you were just going to be happy you were marrying me and not some random girl you had no feelings towards whatsoever. I was opposed to it because I did - do - love you, but, when they told us, you cannot say that you knew you loved me the same way. I was not pretending, Caesar.

I never pretended with you. If I had, you would have seen right through me. But, if you want to apologize for loving me, that's not okay. I don't want to hear that. I don't want to see that. If that's all you're going to write, Caesar Eric Montague, than I think we can give up on the formality of writing to one another, however painful that is.

I'll make sure Edward knows.

from ||Rosalie

[CAESAR ERIC MONTAGUE]

Rosalie,
We can still stall some time, you know. We're going to need some time to figure out a lot of things.

I'm delighted that you have yet to forget them. And honestly, I feel a lot more comfortable when people don't know who Rosalie is. That way no one can steal her from me. That way I can hide her away, keep her beside me forever. Sarcastically, I don't know where she is anymore.

What do you want me to tell you, Rosalie? Tell you that everything was your fault and if someone has to pay, it's you? You know I can't do that. I hurt you once and I can't bring myself to hurt you again. And I know it wasn't pretending, it was pure uncertainty. I understand. Stop blaming yourself, Rosalie. You have the right to be happy.

You were right. I always saw you as a child until our engagement. I didn't realize that the little girl had grown into a beautiful young lady until I tucked you in. And I admit having felt relieved that I would marry you instead of some random girl. But you were never just an escape. You were always more than that. But don't bother.

I'm sorry.  

C.E.M

ROSALIE POSEY HARPER

[ROSALIE POSEY HARPER]

to ||Caesar

Just as you don’t want to hurt me, I don’t want to cause you any pain. I should have told you everything from the beginning. I knew you suspected in your home, and again when you dragged me to Hogsmeade. I don’t think I ever told you how much fun I had, but I did. I haven’t found myself laughing so hard around you before then, and I don’t think I have since. In Rome, I wanted to go after you. I wanted to explain and apologize for everything, but I didn’t. I’m sorry for that. Things might be different now.

I have a right to be happy? What about you, Caesar? You have just as much of a right to be happy as I do. If you think differently, you are sorely mistaken. I wasn’t uncertain when I kissed you. I knew exactly what I was doing, and I didn’t think of Lorcan when I did. It pains me to admit it, but I did not think of him until after you departed back to the Slytherin common room. That’s when I started panicking. I told him I was engaged before Rome. I let him know that anything that happened with us wouldn’t last. I know it doesn’t bring much comfort, and I know you’re angry at me despite what you say.

I just hope that you can forgive me one day, Caesar. Really, truly forgive me and that, perhaps, one day we could move on from this.

from ||Rosalie

[CAESAR ERIC MONTAGUE]

Rosalie,
I hate it when apologies do nothing but hurt even more. Things are different now. I don't think I will ever be able to look at you or Lorcan without wondering whether you are going to tell me another lie or not. I hate it when I want to believe but I've lost faith in everything. 

So you're saying that you will sacrifice your own happiness for mine? Are you willing to stay away from Lorcan to be with me? Are you willing to hurt yourself so you can make it up for me? Are you willing to hurt Lorcan Scarmander just so you can heal me? Don't say yes if you know you'll regret saying it for the rest of your life. You can't have everything in the world, Rosalie. Neither can I. You weren't uncertain when I kissed you, but are you sure you won't be uncertain if I kiss you again? You didn't think of Lorcan Scarmander when our lips met, are you sure you won't think of him if our lips meet again?

I forgave you when you didn't tell me what's wrong back when you were at my house. I forgave you when you wanted to go in the direction of Ravenclaw's tower when I dragged you to Hogsmead. I will never hate you, no matter what you do.

I'm not angry, not anymore.  

C.E.M

ROSALIE POSEY HARPER

[ROSALIE POSEY HARPER]

to ||Caesar

You don't have to tell me that, Caes. I know it very well. But, if all the things that I have ever done for you...if the only thing you can think about when you look at me is this lie I've kept, then I do not believe that it would be in our best interest to stay engaged to one another. I don't want to think about waking up in ten-twenty years and rolling over in bed only to find it empty because we can't stand to be in the same room together. Remember that little girl we talked about? How could I ever bring her into a world where her parents dislike or distrust one another?

But, you've nailed it. You've done so much for me over the years. You've helped me when I had no other place to turn to. If it meant making you happy, if it meant gaining your trust, if it meant proving to you that I do care for you, then I would sacrifice my happiness. It would pain me it would pain him, but if that is what you want...I would only have the selfishness to ask you to give me time to do it. I remember how hard it was for me when Kenneth broke my heart like that. I would only ask to be able to speak to him long enough to talk about it. But, Caesar, I cannot say that I will regret it for the rest of my life.

Being unable to be by you? Being unable to bring you joy when you have brought me so much? That is what would cause me misery for the rest of my life. You have been my best friend for, what, nearing 13 years now? I was nearing 5 when I met you. Uncertain if you kissed me now? No. Horrified that I could have done that to Lorcan again - horrified that I could have done that to you, yes, but not uncertain. I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't, Caes. You know that. The break-up would be too soon; too fresh. But, with time, I'm certain sure I think that I would be able to.

What say you, Caesar? Will you give me the chance...? Or am I too late?

from ||Rosalie

[CAESAR ERIC MONTAGUE]

Rosalie,
You know what? I don't think I know what I want anymore. Are you tired, Rosey? I thought it was going to be very simple. We're going to get married and we're going to have a little girl; I'll be home early for dinner every night; You'll be my first thought when I wake up and last before I sleep; I'll be your safety, you'll be my lady. It's so simple, and so beautiful. I wanted that simplicity for us.

Now I don't know what I want anymore, because I know there will be no simplicity. Not for us, at least. 

Why can't you just hate me for being all so stupid and unreasonable and unfair to you? I've always told you to fight for what you believe. I've told you that since you were five, Rosey. It's thirteen years since that time now and you're still this ridiculously selfless.

But you're right. I won't lie, I'll be exceptionally thrilled to see Lorcan Scarmander being emotionally distraught. And I know nothing could hurt him more than having to part with you. If you think it's the right thing to do, then do it. I won't tell you what to do.

My doors are always open. You can come anytime you want.

Oh, and I think you've been told to come home this weekend for a wedding photo shoot. I'm looking forward to seeing you in white. 

C.E.M

ROSALIE POSEY HARPER

[ROSALIE POSEY HARPER]

dear ||Caesar

How am I being selfless? Honestly, I suspect I’m being extremely selfish. It might be to gain your trust back, but Caesar…you’re my best friend before you’re my intended. I never meant to hurt you or hurt Lorcan. It was selfish of me to think that I could remain in a relationship with him for a long period of time. It was selfish of me to assume that no one would get hurt if I kept my mouth shut. I’m very much aware of what you told me to fight for. I’m doing what you asked, too, I think.

I’m trying to fight for you. You just have to go and be a prat and make it harder. You who take on too much negativity and judge yourself too harshly; you are who I’m actively trying to reach. If that isn’t selfish, then I don’t know what is.

Can we not? I’ll do what you ask because it’s a step in the right direction, but can we not speak of Lorcan? Emotionally distraught he will possibly be, but I will be, too. I’d rather not have to think about how heartless I’ll have to be, Professor.

Merlin, it’s hard to picture you with any sort of authority to you.

Aye, I have. It’s both for the wedding shoot as well as to begin a very long and very boring extensive list of the people we’re going to invite. I’m also supposed to decide on my bridesmaids. I don’t have too many girlfriends my parents would approve of. Thalia and Andrea, of course, but do you think they’d be too terribly upset if I invited some other friends? Like…Rose and Gisella and Nina?

love ||Rosalie