falling out of love is hard

[AISLING EUGENIE DOLOHOV]

i'm not fearless

note: we're going break aislie. :c

London Eye, October 25th 2023.

Under the famous London Eye stood a young girl with dark hair and pale skin. Her hands rubbed together as her gaze drifted from one place to another, in search of a familiar face. She had stood waiting for him for nearly two hours. He was not late, she arrived earlier than the time she had mentioned in her owl to him. She plainly liked standing in the cold like this, feeling the chilld wind blow against her face. Winter was coming. Never had she known of such a cold winter as this one.

In her handbag, there were two tickets for Europe's tallest observation wheel. One of them was supposed to be a surprise burthday gift for someone today. But she guessed he would not want it, especially when it was from her. But it was a good thing, she supposed. It would probably take away a bit of the day's upcoming sorrow and make it a memorable day for her and someone else - her and Charlie. 

It was almost a week since the catastrophe took place, and she had not paid any visit to the hospital wing. Charlie was alive; in fact, he was more alive than ever, for he could not be dead anymore. His very human fragility had been taken away the night of the dance. It set her mind at ease, for she knew Drew would stood less chance against him. 

No one died in the traumatic event the other night. Drew was no longer around to harm any of them. They were safe, for now. She should feel happy about it. 

But all Aisling Dolohov did after that night was trying to avoid Charlie Valdez, like she should have done. She did not sit with him in Defense Against Dark Arts class. She stopped waiting for him after the last period of the day. She had lunch alone in the library instead of their favorite seats by the Black Lake. Whenever someone mentioned Charlie, she immediately did everything possible to get out of the place. She kept distance with both Icarus and Ollie so as not to run into Charlie. 

She should be by his side, that was what one should do for the one she loved. Oh she wanted to run to him and wrap her arms around him so badly. She wanted to feel his warmth just one more time. Whenever she took a step closer to him, Drew's words replayed in her head and caused her to take two steps away from him. 

She was the poison to her friends. Anyone who got close to her got hurt, one way or another. They all ended damaged or pained, or dead.

Of course there was still time. She could still be happy for a little longer. But if the price for that happiness was putting her friends' lives at risk then she would rather suffer this unfairness and loneliness. A faint smile grew on her face when she caught sight of the face she was longing to see. "Hey!" She uttered in false cheerfulness. 

"...Take this as the last night you would have with them, and then don't see them anymore."

Look Drew, she was surrendering. She was giving up. You won.

tags:  CHARLIE GABRIEL VALDEZ 

credit to Delusional

[CHARLIE GABRIEL VALDEZ]

Charlie had awoken not even a week ago to realize that he was not the Charlie that everyone knew. He was very different. Charles Gabriel Valdez had been turned to a vampire. He was no longer this seemingly week person instead he had this strength that he had to be careful with, if not he could easily hurt a friend without meaning to do so. He had this newly found type of hunger and it was one he was learning to deal with. Being around his friends was not an easy feat. He had a hard time working through it all to make sure they'd be okay in the end.

For the most part he stayed up in the hospital wing for the last few days. It was easier to be there than around the school. He'd spent his free time with Icarus who'd still been living with a lack of sleep. But one thing that Charlie couldn't get used to at all was the no sunlight part. How does one survive without being able to go out into the daylight. It was too beautiful to be forgotten. Now all he saw was the dreariness of the dark skies at night. He'd never been a night person but this was what it was and he could not change it. At least he was alive right?

Charlie had seen a few friends while he was getting better, or pretended to get better. He was fine the moment he woke up, just scared out of his mind. But one person he did not see was Aisling. It hurt a lot not to see her. Icarus didn't believe that she would come up to visit and she didn't. He felt like she thought this was all his fault. Why would she blame him for him almost being killed? And then there was Xochilt. So many questions still lay in his mind that he needed answering. He needed to know what in the world was going on with him, his body.

Earlier an owl dropped off a letter for him and he read it carefully. Aisling was going to the London Eye and she wanted him to come. He looked down and snuck out of the hospital wing. Honestly it wasn't as difficult as he thought it'd be. It was easier to get around this school at night than one would previously think. He'd left the school grounds down to Hogsmeade where he apparated to London. That was a great feeling to be able to reach pretty much anywhere to be able to be with someone.

When he got to the Eye his eyes fell on her. This was the first time he'd seen her since the dance, since everything had happened, since he regained most of the memory that his brain had pushed away. All he saw was the girl that he loved standing there with a slight smile on her face that he didn't believe was truly happy. He liked her a lot, loved Aisling even, why wouldn't she be happy with him. ”Hey!” was said in a way that he knew it was no true. ”Hey,” he said softly giving the genuine smile. He was still disappointed that this was the first time he'd seen her since before. He walked up to her and gave her a hug. ”How have you been?” he asked her.

Words: 565
Tagged: AISLING EUGENIE DOLOHOV
Notes: No breaking!

[AISLING EUGENIE DOLOHOV]

i'm not fearless

note: i'll never be okay again...

The last sunbeam kissed her goodbye as the sun went down, leaving the skies for darkness. The clouds was painted deep pink and slowly turned into purple. It was magnificent. How come she did not realize such beauty of sunset. She missed walking in the sunlight at the park the other day of summer with Charlie. She missed his warmth and the serenity that she felt when he was around. 

She missed him. 

It did not take much time or efforts to get to him. She could have rushed to his side and be happy watching him feeling better bit by bit. But she did not allow herself to do that for fear that that happiness would take away all the courage she gathered to meet him today, the courage she needed to kiss him goodbye. She and the sunshine would walk out of his life from now on, for their existence would only burn him, cause his pain and lead him to Death. 

She even dared to dream about a future with him by her side. She even dared to dream of living a life she did not deserve. She had been nothing if not a big disappointment. Stupid little girl, with stupid dreams, who never learned, who made promises that she could not keep. She said she would make her father proud, she would make everyone know of the name Dolohov and regret what they had done to her family. All she did was going in the wrong way. It was time to right every wrong now.

It felt as though the universe stopped moving and the wheel of fortune stopped turning for a while when Charlie wrapped his arms around her. They were cold now, but the familiarity was still there. In a quick moment of weakness, the Ravenclaw rested her head on his shoulder, trying to remember the feeling of being in his arms, for the last time. Pressing her lips together so as to keep them from quivering, she took a deep breath. If Charlie was going to remember her, she did not want his memories of her to be full of tears and fragility. 

"I should be asking you that question." She forced a smile, hoping to avoid his question as he asked how she had been. What was she supposed to tell him? Tell him that she had not been okay and that she had been crying herself to sleep every night? Stop being pathetic, Aisling. "How have you been? Did they let you out of the hospital wing?" Words effortlessly slipped out of her lips. 

Her gaze drifted from his face to her handbag as her hand was searching for the tickets. In less than no time, she pulled them out and showed them to the Hufflepuff boy. "Come." She said in excitement and took his ice-cold hand in hers then dragged him towards the Eye. 

For some reasons, the Eye seemed so solitude that afternoon, like everyone knew how hard it was to say goodbye, like they wanted to give her some space to do that. There was only her and Charlie in the passenger capsule. Her eyes stared at the view outside the window. Magnificent. But it would not make this pain and emptiness in her heart go away. Her hand was still holding Charlie's tightly. "Can I ask you something, Charlie?" She turned to him. 

"If I am to leave your side, can I do that quietly?" Because she was afraid that she would not be able to hold back the tears welling up in her eyes if she spoke a word. Because she was afraid that she would not be brave enough to walk away from him - her sanity and serenity. 

tags:  CHARLIE GABRIEL VALDEZ 

credit to Delusional

[CHARLIE GABRIEL VALDEZ]

Charlie gave the smile that he needed to have when he gave her a hug. Maybe he had no idea what was coming up but her avoidance could have been a bit of a hint. Yes he didn't have the heat in his body that he once did but maybe the whole idea of alcohol keeping his body warm wouldn't be that bad. He'd have to figure that out. In the end even though he was slightly different he was still very much the same Charlie he'd always been.

Aisling had set her head on his shoulder to rest and he sighed softly when she pulled away. Her avoidance of his question by returning it meant that she was a lot more fragile than he was at the moment. What was coming toward him? His chocolate brown eyes looked at her as she asked him how he'd been. Had he been let out of the hospital wing? A smile came to his face softly. ”I'm good, and it depends on what you mean by let out, I mean yes I'm free from the confines of it, but going back to my dormitory has been a little difficult, France has kept me a bed up for everything. I'm still trying to figure out everything, the hospital wing is honestly a better place for that and no one is constantly asking me how I'm feeling,” he said. Maybe that was too much. Maybe he really should just go back to the Hufflepuff basement. Honestly Charlie was having a hard time with it all. He still wasn't exactly sure how he was going to be able to get a proper job now. This wasn't something he needed to spill into Aisling's lap though. Icarus said she blamed herself for it all so he didn't want to make her feel bad.

His eyes drifted down to her hand when her eyes did the same. ”Come.” His hand was grabbed and he was led towards the London Eye. ”You know I've never been on the Eye, tickets were always so very expensive,” he said softly as he was led onto a capsule with just her. Her hand still held tightly onto his. She spoke to him. Words that he did not exactly want to hear. He just gave a gentle nod not sure what to expect next. His hand let go of hers and he turned around.

”What do you mean?” he asked her, ”I'm not going to make you stay where you don't want to be.” He looked down. ”I knew I'd lose some people out of all this, you hadn't come and visited me in the hospital wing, I kind of expected something like this Ais, but if you have to leave then I will let you go, I will not make you stay here with me, besides my life isn't going to be easy from now on so I can accept this.” His own sanity was slipping away piece by piece. His life had been turned upside down and he wasn't sure what to think about any of this. He was trying to figure it out piece by piece to learn what was important.

Words: 533
Tagged: AISLING EUGENIE DOLOHOV
Notes: I know!

[AISLING EUGENIE DOLOHOV]

i'm not fearless

note: -cries- :c

"It must be very hard for you to adjust to this new...life." Her throat was dry when she spoke of the new life Charlie was having. She had seen the way Xochilt had to struggle to keep her self-control, to keep her sanity and the human inside her. She had seen the fears in the redheaded girl's eyes when she talked about herself. She had seen disgust in the way Xochilt talked about "vampires". It was not like the girl was given a choice. It was not like Charlie was given a choice.

But Aisling knew she was. 

And she could have chosen the right thing to do to keep her friends from getting hurt. But she chose to keep herself from getting hurt instead. And in the end no one was safe from pain. "I'm..." Sorry. "...glad that you came."

Try as she would, she would never apologize enough for what she had done to him. She should not have come into his life in the first place. She should have known that there was no way one could have it all. She had chosen to serve a greater cause for her father's sake. And very naturally, all great causes come with sacrifices. Those who refuse to make those sacrifices would have to pay. And perhaps, it only served her right to be where she was today - on the edge of devastation. 

A tender smile grew on her face when Charlie revealed to her that it was the first time he was on the Eye. "I have not been on it before either." She admitted genuinely. "And don't worry about money. It's not like we get to be on the Eye everyday in our lives!" Her voice was filled with joy and excitement like a child's. Even in the last minute, Charlie still made she feel like being childish and sulky. But she guessed it would not happen again.

As the question slipped out of her mouth, Aisling regretted it immediately. It was bad timing. She should not have destroyed the last beautiful memory that charlie would have of her. Still she wanted to know the answer. If she had to leave him, could she do that quietly? Because she was afraid she would not be strong enough to tell him all the cruel words to make him stay away from her. Because all she wanted to tell him at the time was that she loved him and that she was sorry. It was cruelty - leaving him when he needed her, when his world turned up side down. How could she do that to him? Or how could she do that to herself?

She breathed out lightly, her hand placed on his cheek, feeling his cold skin. She smiled as her fingers ran through his soft hair. "It was just a question, Charlie." Her voice was gentle. Slowly, she leaned on her toes towards him and placed a soft kiss on his lips. 

If she had to leave him, his memories about her should not be full of pain.

tags:  CHARLIE GABRIEL VALDEZ 

credit to Delusional

[CHARLIE GABRIEL VALDEZ]

Charlie looked at her. ”It's an adjustment, I'm trying to keep positive,” he told her softly. He looked down. He was kind of tired of all the mentions of it. He had no choice in the matter but it was a matter that happened. When she mentioned that it must have been hard it definitely made it a little difficult to keep it calm. But he did. He couldn't get angry. He couldn't get frustrated over any thing. He wasn't sure what frustration could cause in the end. Charlie was still himself but there were things that could happen from loss of control now.

Charlie gave a soft smile as she said she was glad that he came. ”Me too, I'm sorry all this happened, I know it's not exactly my fault but I'm sorry,” he told her. It wasn't exactly easy to have your boyfriend get turned into a vampire. He had nothing to apologize to her for but he felt like after not seeing her since they danced at the dance that he needed to. Charlie knew this wasn't going to last. Not with Aisling. Icarus said she blamed herself for it. Maybe he just wanted a couple good minutes with her before all hell broke loose.

His brown eyes scanned her as she told him that she'd never been on the Eye before either. She told him not to worry about money. ”I'm going to live for a very long time, you're telling me not to worry about money,” he chuckled, ”I'll have several life times to make money. Live boring life after boring life. This is one thing I'll only do once though. Ride the Eye with you.” He looked at the tower as they got onto the Eye. Maybe this was going to be good for them in the end.

Maybe his reaction to her question was a little much but it was more than enough to get him upset. She told him that it was just a question and then leaned up and kissed him on the lips. He reached his arms around her. ”It felt more serious then just a question, but that was my honest answer. Ais, I know how your family is, I know that this couldn't have lasted, the way Drew's spoken to me, what he's told me about who I am. You're better off without me, especially now, I'm from some poor muggle family, and now I'm vampire, I could kill you without meaning to, I have ridiculous strength now, I could hurt you without trying, you're going to get old without me, hell I don't even know if I'm able to have children now, I mean come on, the moment this happen, well let me just say I'm going to be perfectly fine figuring out a new type of life,” he told her softly. ”I love you, I always will, and even if it was just a question, you know how I feel,” he said. He leaned his head down gently and kissed her cheek as he hugged her close. He moved his lips gently down to her neck before pulling away and looking out the glass. He didn't want to accidentally hurt her. ”I'm sorry,” he said with a smile, ”we should be enjoying ourselves.”

”Look at the sights, it's so beautiful, the way the buildings look against the night sky,” he said softly. His eyes scanned the night sky. There was nothing he could do with the situation. But he was going to miss Aisling when this finished. It was a time to enjoy right now though.

Words: 602
Tagged: AISLING EUGENIE DOLOHOV
Notes: Sorry it took so long!