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Post by SKYLAR OLIVER MONROE on Aug 13, 2014 4:38:16 GMT -5
Something about her words just seemed to make his insides hurt. It seemed like she tried to use different words to make it easier on him but a blunt knife still stabbed. Skylar wasn't sure what he could do now. She had just spoken and then she walked out. He couldn't help but watch her as she walked off. Why did he have to want her? Why couldn't he want someone that wanted him back? Its not like he hadn't tried before. He wished plenty of times in the past that he could of cared for someone else but it just never happened. He had always let her get away, maybe he could try a little harder. With that thought in mind he pushed away from where he was standing and walked a bit faster than normal. He shoved open the doors to the library and walked out behind her. He took a real deep breath as he tried to catch her. He had a lot to say and for once he wasn't going to try and disguise everything, he might not exactly let it all out but he would say a few things that he should have said a long time ago.
"I love you the way a drowning man loves air and it would destroy me to have you just a little." He finally got the chance to walk around in front of her and as he did he spun around and looked right at her. "I have never loved you anymore than i do, right this second, and i'll never love you any less than i do, right this second." His head dropped a little as he took another deep breath. He wasn't sure his words would get him anywhere and that would be a first for someone like him. "I knew the moment i met you that there was something about you that i needed. turns out that it wasn't something about you at all, it was just you and i dont care how hard being with you would be, being apart from you is worse, so much worse than my greatest nightmares." The thought of being without someone, without her, it seemed to cripple him which was something insanely strange for him. This was never a problem with someone only her. He loved and hated it.
"You've slipped under my skin, invaded my blood and seized my heart." He said softly as he raised his eyes to meet hers. He had always wanted to be invincible but how could he be if someone so small hurt him so badly.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2014 4:29:39 GMT -5
- THE TROUBLED SEERESS - All she wanted was to make him realize that he was wrong - she didn't want a repeat of history's events. She didn't want to hurt him, since she's done enough impact on the bond that three friends had painstakingly formed, but it is his actions that drive her into tearing him apart once again. "Are you blind?" she hisses at him, clenching her fists. "You're blurring the lines between your wants and your needs." This time, it is her who points a finger at him accusingly, poking him hard in the chest. It was too hard to make someone who didn't want to understand understand her words. Just like Emil, he is persistent: but unlike him, he uses his words to chain her further into guilt. It's what makes her want to be left for now; to have her space. What was broken could never be repaired, not even things visible to the eye. "You don't have to love me Skylar," she walks past him, avoiding his gaze. "You'll forget me by and by. I am but a particle of the memories that lurk in your past. I hope that you'll find someone who'll be able to love you evenly."
"Because I can't."
She looks at him apologetically, indicating the apologies she could voice no more. "It's better if you'll never have me Skye..." His old name, the first thing she used to call him with, back when she entered their circle - the one wherein there was girl whose name she couldn't remember, the girl who always stood next to Emil, but never acted as if they were a couple. "You're right, I am poison, and you'll have to get rid of me in your system, because if I remain in there it'll just make things more complicated for you."
"I don't want to become a murderer. There'll always be someone out there for you who's the perfect fit, and it's not me Skye."
"It'll never be me."
Word Count: 328 words OOC: You! ;-;
Shin of GS + Adox
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Post by SKYLAR OLIVER MONROE on Aug 14, 2014 5:08:24 GMT -5
"I blur the lines between nothing!" He shouted as he turned around and nearly ran to get past her. He got in front of her yet again and began to walk backward this time. "What i want and need, what i need and want. It's all the same thing." The way she said Skye seemed to cut at his heart strings. It was so dangerously close to plummeting into the bottom of his stomach. "I could no more not love you than the earth could stop circling the sun." He yelled at her again but this time with those annoying tears filling his eyes. He tried not to get out of hand but that was so difficult for him. How could he not? Did she actually know the pain of looking for someone for an eternity only to find them with someone else? Skylar shook his head and tried to fight off of those tears he didn't want to show her. "I couldn't and wouldn't forget you if my life depended upon it. If i had to choose between my thoughts of you and my life i would die with you on my mind. You're the first thing i think about when i wake up and the last thing i think about before i fall asleep." he reached up with his hand and grabbed hold of his necklace. That silly little hourglass. He moved it around between his fingers as he walked backward.
"I could never forget you or remove you from my system. You're what makes me. You consume me. I took this job because of you. No one else knows that but it's true. I wanted to be here because you were here. I could have gone on and taught anywhere but i wanted to be in a place where i could be near you. I knew i wouldn't always see you every day. I knew we wouldn't talk as much as i'd like but i live for the moments when you're in my presence. You have no idea of the eternity i've waited for you.. and i have tried.. i have tried for so very long to remain away from you because i know that you don't want me and even though its the worse pain i've ever felt, i do want you to be happy... but, Nico, I don't have the strength anymore. I can't bring myself to find the power it takes to stay away.. I just can't." He took another deep breath before closing his eyes for a moment. He felt so sad but then suddenly so angry. He made a fist around that hourglass necklace of his and then yanked it from around his neck.
He looked at her with angry, hate filled eyes and shouted. "The sand in this never stops moving. When it reaches the bottom it fills right back up to the top and then goes right to the bottom again. It's never ending. Have you ever asked yourself why i wear it? Huh?!" He heldd it up and let it dangle from the string that was wrapped around his fingers. "I made it. I spent an entire day making up that stupid letter that went with it and i left it for you. I left it and hoped that you would find it.. and just when i thought you would have gone to find it. I panicked. I ran back to get it. Why? Because in that moment.. i thought to myself about how it might hurt you to be torn between two people. I thought that you had feelings for me too. I don't know why or how i could have been so stupid to think that but i did. So i ran back to get it, I didn't want you to find it and have to make a choice." He quickly made another fist around the necklace and then he suddenly tossed it at her chest.
Skylar spun around and put both arms over the sides of his head and he shouted at nothing. He tried his hardest to keep calm but he was losing control of himself. The string of that necklace was tiny but without it around his neck it seemed colder somehow. he had worn it for so many years. "Why have whatever gods we have cursed me and made me love a woman incapable of loving me back."
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2014 4:15:55 GMT -5
- THE TROUBLED SEERESS - “Those! Those very words imply that you have already blurred them even from long ago!” she spats at him. “Needs implies things that are absolutely necessary, and without which you can’t function. Wants are things which a person desires, but which are not absolutely necessary. They’re completely different from one another Monroe. You’re like a confused butterfly, trying to find the light - someone needs to break you out of your daze. The answers on the air bear venomous fruit, and yet how can you be so aimless to even go after me? You knew it already - Merlin! Everyone knew! - and yet it is you yourself who betray your pride. This is madness Skylar - complete and utter madness!” She comes across his thoughts and her feathers get ruffled further. “Do you know how it feels like to know you’re the reason for a friendship torn apart? Do you? Perhaps you don’t. You don’t need me in order to live Monroe - I’m worth less than your lifeline. You’re wasting your time and tears on me.”“Did you actually think I didn’t know? Skylar, all those years - those brief glances. Why else do you think Emil pushed you away as well?” She was slipping, slipping further. All the unintended stories spilling from her lips - but he needed to know, and it needed to come from someone he might listen to. “I ran away from the man I love the most because I wanted to protect him and his pristine reputation. That man Skylar, that man-”“That man is a person who valued you just as much as one would value their life. I could’ve left the Wizarding World if I wanted to, but I wanted to see how he’s fared. I returned in high hopes that that rift’s been mended, that the one thing I’ve shattered would somehow be fixed.”
“But no, no matter how much I tried to explain to you that we’re a pair that’s never meant to work, you won’t have it!” Her tone increases a pitch in indignation. “What will it take for you to, to-”
“To understand we will never be?!” She was already tired of excusing herself, of running away, and yet Skylar still sounded like he needed more sense to be hammered into his defiant head. She wanted to end it in a way wherein they’ll return to the friends they used to be, but it the statistics stated it was a task next to impossibility. “I wanted to be your friend,” she tells him brokenly, her hands shaking with the in tense emotions budding from within. “I gave you the time Skylar, the space you needed to push me out of your head, but it’s not love Skye.”
“It’s obsession.” she breathes in sharply, acknowledging the truth that it had to be put to an end. Holding up the hourglass he threw at her, she turns it into a pocket watch, swaying it for a moment before throwing it back at him. “It was a full decennial ago, Skylar, do you think that you can live forever? You don’t need a reminder of infinity or endlessness or even me. What you need is your sense of time, because the world - your world - doesn’t, shouldn’t, couldn’t possibly revolve around me forever.” “It’s all in your head. I never reciprocated anything you directed towards me, but instead, I wanted to be your friend because you mattered to the person I love. It’s your egoselfishness that makes you blind to the people who wanted to be there for you, because you set your sights on no one else other than be. I’ve always wished that the day where we’ll be talking in a manner wherein we’ve buried the hatchet will come, but try as I might, it’s still there.”“I didn’t have to make a choice, because once I’ve chosen, I stand firm in it. I’m not torn or undecided or even reluctant. I never wanted to hurt you, never wanted to shatter you into hopeless fragments, never wanted you to be pushed away by the two people you used to know.”“Please,” she pleads, “I’m not the kind of woman who can love two people at once. The person whom I’ve fallen for, years ago, is still the same person I hold close to my heart.” She reaches for the silver string that hung around her neck, hidden underneath her clothing. It was the ring Emil gave her when he proposed, in the year wherein December began to be the month she would soon be tormented with. She’s kept it closer to her heart ever since. Word Count: 769 words OOC: It's a horrible post. Forgive Ara ;-;
Shin of GS + Adox
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Post by SKYLAR OLIVER MONROE on Aug 15, 2014 5:17:52 GMT -5
Skylar caught the item and quickly lowered it to his side. He stared at her angrily and waited for her to finished. Once she had he just lowered his eyes. They remained down for a moment. He squeezed that stupid item he held. He wanted to toss it on the floor but he decided not too. What could he do now? her words and rejection were worse than the most poisonous venom, more painful than that unforgivable curse. Skylar took in a real deep breath and held it for a few seconds. When he finally let it out he raised his eyes and looked over that hair over hers. He nearly leapt he took such a big step. he came right up in front of her. "I blur the lines between nothing. Just because my wants and needs are the same doesn't mean anything bad. It's just really convenient.. Or so you might think. The problem is that you thought time would help, someone thought that pushing me away would help but I love you, Nico. and that means i'm not going to stop, i'm not going to forget you or ever stop loving you. " He moved his hand as he spoke and shoved the necklace into his pocket. "That stupid thing that i made for you was meant to signify that i would never stop loving you."
After he had pulled his hand from his pocket he reached and grabbed the very end of her hair. "Sometimes i think it would have made a difference if i had told you some of the things i did for you." He sighed briefly as he released her hair. "I know you've always loved him. I know you didn't want anything to happen to the friendship we all had. I mean.." He chuckled a bit as he put both hands into his pockets and he turned to the side. "I use to think that if anything ever happened again. Like if another battle for this school broke out, We'd be the kids saving the day. I use to think we were all.. the IT crowd. The people that would save the day." His voice lowered slowly. His eyes fell to the floor. "That's what i wanted. I never wanted to love my very best friends girl. I never wanted to tear a group of people that were so close, apart.. Everyone meant the world to me, EVERYONE.. But you meant the most. I never saw you as worthless or meaningless. I always thought you had the most potential. I always thought that out of us all you would go the furthest and put the rest of us to shame. " He chuckled again, a little more briefly this time. He cut his eyes and moved his body slowly. he turned back to Nico and tried to conjure up a smile. "I miss them. I've thought about them so much, seen them in my dreams. Them and you. Perhaps you think that just because you're always on my mind that they have never been. I can't describe to you the great deal in which i miss his incredible smile and how stupid it is. I miss her hair and the way i always thought it looked perfect no matter what she was doing. She could have been falling from a broom a thousand feet in the air and i woulda been like 'her hair looks amazing today'. You were perfect.. they were perfect. I never had a whole lot of friends in my life but the ones i did have i cherished more than life. "
Skylar had managed to do a decent job of holding this tears back, even when he was yelling at her but something about thinking to hard on his old friendships made it damn near impossible. he was so close to ending up crying in front of her. You could easily see all the water in his eyes. "You weren't the reason for anything falling apart. I've always known that was me. People may have tried to push me away, others may not have wanted me around and in your case, You just didn't love me in return but that's not your fault or anyone elses but mine. I just never should of let my heart have a voice." He turned his head and looked around at where they were. He looked to the walls and the ceiling, then the floor and everything else that made up the room. When he finally turned back to Nico he took another deep breath. "I suppose ill have to miss everyone a little more.. because i'm done here." As he finished a few of those tears escaped his eyes and trickled down his cheeks.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 22, 2014 6:22:19 GMT -5
- THE TROUBLED SEERESS - She pulls him into a silent embrace, one that didn’t imply any romantic connotation, but instead, a soothing one. This friendliness she hasn’t actually applied to him ever since they’ve seen each other around shows itself. “You say that the blame’s not on me and yet you openly point me out. I get it. We all played a role in this act.”“I’m sorry, I’m sorry that you can’t stop loving someone who cannot find it in herself to reciprocate it. I’m sorry that you love me, for I have never loved you in that sense. I apologise if it doesn’t make the slightest hint of difference, that it’s my fault two friends fell in love with the same woman, or whatever love is, because I’ve never understood its whole concept.” Playing with the small hairs on his nape, Del tries his best to calm him down. It’s always been like this. Her tongue would slip and she’d apologise - Skylar would always ruin the memory with his embittered musings. “Someday, somewhere, you’ll find that one person strange bird. I am not the one who deserves to be the keeper of something beautiful. I can only corrupt it and bring it to harm.”“It is the cruelty of the situation that led me away from you. But I am still your friend. Distant, but waiting. What does it matter that this love of yours could not keep me, when we can go back to the way it somehow used to be? I’ll love the same person forever, but I wouldn’t want to lose something that I’ve gained without my notice. Just wait and see Skye, after this little charade ends, you’ll find that some people are still waiting as well on the other end of the line.” “I’ll never be able to fill the gaps for you, never be there for that soul that is not satisfied it has lost my being - but tomorrow will keep spinning Skye, and the days don’t have to go by for you in a blur. Let me go,” she smiles brokenly, distraught at the repeated downfall of a connection she hoped to resurrect. “I don’t want to turn someone pure into someone driven with hate and bitterness. You’ve always said that you’re scared of change, that people might just come and go through you, but it doesn’t have to be that way.”
“You’ll spiral into nothingness if this continues.” Pulling away from him, she reached for her handkerchief and wiped away at his tears with the soft fabric. It wasn’t an intimate gesture, for her touches were akin to that of a mother’s comforting a fallen son. When his cheeks were dry and Nicolaiza has finally found the answers, she smiles, once more, exhausted persona trying to convey her unveiled thoughts. She places the handkerchief in his hands and encloses it in them carefully. “You don’t have to. I’m leaving for Amsterdam one of these days, just in time for my father Antoine’s death anniversary. Silly bird, don’t push yourself away just because of me. Life is just a giant jenga of opportunities. Consider your acceptance at your alma mater a blessing. Stay.” Pocketing her hands, she reaches an absolution: “This is farewell Skye. And nice to meet you, Mister Skylar Monroe.” Del beams brightly, though it doesn’t quite reach her eyes and her heart. “Watch your step, the staircases are a bit tricky around here.” With that, she walks away from him for the last time, activating a rune on the ground that will teleport her to the courtyards. Once there, she releases the breath that she was holding, and the tears that weren’t supposed to be spilling were spilled. The former diplomat closes her eyes and tries to blink them away, looking at the vast blue skies that reflected her memories. “It’s over.” she tells herself. “You’re out of here Nicolaiza, stop trying to make a big deal out of it.”
Not even the snow could say something in response to her lamentation. Instead, it blows in her face gently, as if seeking to provide what littlest luxury it could offer. Later on, when she couldn’t keep the coldness of the tears in, she lets them fall freely. The guilt wrecked at her for the pain she made both of them suffer - the pain that must’ve followed them around for that long. It is the bad times that often played out in her head. “You’ll find someone Skye, I know you will…” she whispers to the ignorant winds that passed by her haughtily. “It’s not me, but that day will come, won’t it? I believe so…”She holds a hand out to catch a snowflake but finds that it melts quickly before she could even admire it. She's always wanted to hold one in her hands and wonder at its simplicity, but knew how impossible it was of a task. The same way their friendship couldn't be fixed no matter how long the passage of time happened to be. Word Count: 836 words OOC: Oh dear... I hope you like it? ;-; Shin of GS + Adox
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Post by SKYLAR OLIVER MONROE on Aug 23, 2014 7:02:15 GMT -5
The crippling pain of her absence washed over him and left him completely paralyzed for a moment. He tried to remember her embrace and though it was only a moment ago it seemed like an eternity. He finally managed to move, It was a single step and when it was taken he stumbled a bit afterward. He reached out for the wall. His hand slid across what it was made of until moved he caught his balance. He knelt down immediately and leaned against the wall. It felt like he couldn't breath, Couldn't think. He tried to take several deep breaths but they didn't come to him. He should have never spoken to her in the first place. Her being away, not wanting him, leaving, it was all too much for him. He had always been able to handle a great deal of things but this was the only thing that he just couldn't manage to get a grip on. He had always been great at handling pain and the pain of others but he had is weakness. His was just a girl with oddly colored hair.
"How do you forget?" He asked himself as he went to a seated position and put his back to the wall. Skylar raised both hands and put them over his face. "I've waited for far to many years for this to get better and its only gotten worse. What spells, curses, charms, potions.. what other than death can make me forget about her? He wanted to get up and move but he knew he would struggle to do so. Those tears of his had been pushed back and held at bay. he thought over so many things, so many ways. He just wanted to forget it now, Erase it from his mind. "Why have i been cursed with loving her when she feels for someone else and not me? What have i done to deserve this? Was it choices i made when i was young or perhaps it was something i didn't do instead? Or was i just chosen to suffer through out my life?" he was speaking to no one in the room of course and instead whomever might be controlling the universe. He didn't believe in any type of god for certain but instead chose to believe that there had to be something around.
"All i ever had was them. That's it!" He shouted into the air. "I never had anything else as i grew up. My parents died. All i knew as a home was this school and the only friends i ever knew were them. His stupid smile, her perfect hair and Nico's mesmerizing presence. That's what i had. Why was it taken? Is it really because of something that i can't control, is it really because i love her? " He finally managed a deep breath. Once it was out he lowered his hands from his face and those tears came out again. Silently and at a steady pace they fell from his eyes and trickled down his cheeks. "I have always been smart enough to get everything i wanted in this life so i have never asked for anything. I've only given and i've never taken without deserving it.. So why am i denied the only thing i've ever asked for?" Skylar made a fist with one of his hands and swung it back. He hit the wall as hard as he could and regardless of the damage it probably did to him he just brought his hand back to his lap.
His eyes lowered for a moment and as all the different thoughts poured through his head he considered a lot of them but none more so than the one that stopped him. he raised his eyes a bit and just stared across the hall. "Not having you in this world leaves me only two choices." He managed to finally pushed himself up and away from the wall. He wiped his eyes with the fingers from one hand and with the other he pushed her handkerchief into his pocket. His thoughts seemed dark as he turned from where he was and began a slow walk back down the hall and toward the library where they were earlier. He would try anything in these next few minutes to force the thought of her and her absence from his mind. She had embraced him for the first time in longer than he could possibly remember and it was something he would never forget but he couldn't think about it right now. it burned at his heart like the organ was tossed atop a pyre.
Inspiration: Take it out on me - FGL
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