Post by Deleted on Mar 16, 2014 20:39:22 GMT -5
ulani delilah paris
CANON OR ORIGINAL: original
AGE: fifteen
FACE CLAIM: darla baker
YEAR: fifth
HOUSE: ravenclaw
OCCUPATION: student
BLOOD TYPE: muggleborn
WAND TYPE: 9 1/2, unicorn hair, apple
PETS: none
ABILITIES: none
freestyle
September 1, 2023
Dearest Journal,
It's the start of school again and I don't know whether to be excited or not. I've always felt Hogwarts was a way to get away, ever since I learned of it my first year and was sorted into Ravenclaw. As you know journal, my life has not been the easiest. After my parents died when my siblings and I were young, our uncle took us in and was not the kindest man. But you know that journal. You've heard the many stories of abuse that occurred in that wretched place. You've heard about the failed attempts to run away. And you've heard about us going into foster care and my brother refusing to be adopted without me and our sister. I guess what I'm trying to say is, sometimes I don't know anymore. I don't know who I am or who I'm supposed to be. Our adopted parents are very kind people and they've taken care of us very well since day one. So, is Hogwarts really an escape anymore, or just a place that separates me from the people that make me feel safe? My brother has always been in a separate house than I and I'm the closest to him than anyone else. He's my protection and the one person that makes me feel safe in this dangerous and forsaken world. Sometimes I wonder if the Purebloods are right, stating that this is no place for us muggleborns. We're constantly targeted just because we have abilities that we shouldn't even have. We were muggles once. What changed?
Oh right, we gained magical abilities.
But sometimes I don't know if I want them. Sometimes I wish I could just wake up everyday in my bed at home instead of sleeping in a dorm with a million other Ravenclaw girls that are my age. There's no privacy. There's no where to escape when I feel I need to. It's suffocating and I'm not excited to return to that, despite the very few friends I have made. I mean, I've been to counseling and I take medication, but I still have moments when I wake from terrible nightmares or go into panic attacks. I don't like everyone in the world seeing that, you know? I wish I could be normal. Ever since my uncle abused us, I just can't get it out of my head even though it's been a couple years. It's something I live with everyday and while sometimes it's not bad at all, other times it's the worst. I've even had minor attacks in class and had to leave. Most people muse think I'm weird or something. I don't know. I try not to listen to their gossip or pay attention to what others might think of me. I don't need anything else to worry about right now.
But I'm lonely.
I wish it was easy for me to make friends, but with my condition, I just don't trust anyone. When I said I have few friends, I meant my siblings and maybe two other people. I just get so cautious around people and I don't know how to approach others. Not to mention, I'm so jumpy. I get caught up in my own head most of the time and when people approach me, it almost always scares me. I probably don't make friends because I don't talk to people unless I'm spoken to. It just seems easier that way, you know? I'm not necessarily shy. I'm just not... outgoing. If that makes any sense. I've just found it easier to keep to myself; to keep to my books and studies. I'm always alone if I'm not hanging out with my brother or sister every so often. But sometimes I even avoid that. They're okay. They came out of this alright and me? I'm just... damaged. I don't know why something snapped in my mind. I don't know why I feel the way I do. I don't have any clue why I of all people had to let the abuse stay with me even though I'm safe with my new parents.
It just won't leave me alone.
The images. The pain. The fear. All of it. It was only physical and emotional, but it hurt. Every single time he laid a hand on me or one of my siblings, it hurt. I couldn't bear to watch it because even when it wasn't me, I felt it. All of the pain and fear. Their tears; my tears. His face. It never goes away and even though the medicine helps and the summer sessions of counseling help as well, it still hasn't gone away.
But maybe one day.
Maybe one day I'll be alright again and happy. I'm a fifth year now, so I have about three more years at Hogwarts. Maybe soon I'll push out of this horrible state of mind and find my way. I just want to be normal. I just want to be happy. I just.. want to be me. That's all I want and I hope one day I'll acheive that. Do you think I can do it journal? Do you think I'll be okay again? Cause I think if I can just get through this, I'll finally be able to live instead of just going through the motions. But I have to go now. We're about to get off the train and I don't want to hold anyone up. Hopefully soon we can talk again and when that time comes, hopefully... I'll be happy.
Love Always, Ulani
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
HEY MY NAME IS KAIT, AND I ALSO PLAY MANY OTHER CHARACTERS. I FOUND THE SITE THROUGH STYAING YO.
TEMPLATE BY ELIZA @ SHADOWPLAY & RCR
