i can hurt you from inside -- open

[ICARUS ALAWN LUGUBELENUS]

Icarus had been known as few things through out his time at Hogwarts. He was the awkward ravenclaw that made terrible jokes. He was the guy who always asked if he could look at your notes because he had been too distracted by a certain girl to manage to to write his own. But Icarus was not the kid who caused trouble or who skipped classes. He had after all been made a prefect for a reason. And yet after the dance Icarus had not been the same.

Something had taken root inside the boy, something dark. The turn of events had been unexpected and yet some how Icarus felt he should have seen it coming, after all things had been too good to be true. But it wasn't just the girl, that girl with the prefect strawberry hair and the lips that tasted sweeter than any candy. No, it was worse. He had watched those sweet lips draw the life from his best friend. But he didn't blame her, no he knew the truth now. That beautiful girl that took up so much room in his chest had been played like a puppet. If it wasn't hard enough to watch his best friend die and be reborn as a creature of the night Icarus had to live knowing that culprit behind it was the disgusting animal people called Drew Reinhardt.

Just thinking of the name made Icarus' mouth taste like ash. He had told Charlie he was going to kill Drew, it was possibly the first threat in Icarus' life that he had no intention of being empty. Maybe it wasn't realistic, maybe he couldn't kill Drew, but he had played it out over and over in his head. He had mourned long enough, it was time to seek revenge for the wrong doings. Charlie would tell him otherwise - or maybe not. He didn't ask though, Charlie had enough to deal with and already seemed to worry too much that he was losing his mind because he hadn't been sleeping. But sleep meant the dreams, no he didn't need those. His heart hurt enough, revenge would fix this.

It was becoming increasingly difficult to get through his classes. He did his best to focus but his mind kept running laps. Laps around Drew. Laps around Charlie. Laps around Arya. Laps around Aisling. Laps around Xarrah. Laps around Xochilt. Xochilt. He closed his eyes and tried his best to chase away the lingering scent of the beautiful girl who seemed to linger on him like a ghostly reminder of what he had lost. He'd lost so much. Too much. It made his head start to spin as it all came flooding back. Icarus slammed his book shut and shoved it into his bag before storming out, he disregarded the Professor's words, they sounded a thousand miles away. His chest heaved with each breath he struggled to take in as he ran through the halls.

Icarus kept running even though his lungs screamed for air. He ran into the lavatory thankful to find it empty. He rushed to the sink and turned the water on so he could slash the cold liquid on his face. He needed to calm down. This wasn't like the panic attacks before, this one felt different. He felt like he was on fire, as if an inferno had taken up his chest and was trying to burn him alive. His fingers wrapped around the side of the sink as he looked up into the mirror. He was met with a face he barely knew. His eyes were bloodshot and lackluster, surrounded by dark back circles.

What right did he have to be suffering? He was still human, he was not harmed. Not physically. No that was Charlie. He had no right to be suffering like this. But still he could feel his insides being consumed. It made him burn and shake as if a beast needed to escape his skin. He wanted to scream, to yell. So he did.

"You're useless! Bloody useless!" He screamed at his reflection as his knuckles went white from his grasp on the sink. He could hear the taunting in his head about how pathetic he was. How stupid he had been to ignore the signs so plainly in front of him. Charlie's transformation was on him. Charlie's blood on his hands. Xochilt's innocence was his fault. No matter how he tried to rationalize, this was on him, it was his fault for being so soft, so weak. Icarus couldn't take it anymore. He let the sink go, his fist quickly forming before smashing into the mirror.

Blood flowed freely and quickly from his hand as he pulled fragments of mirror from his torn up flesh of a hand. His breathing was shallow and rapid. He still felt so much anger inside him, an emotion he had always pushed away but there was no pushing this. Too much had happened. He looked to the fractured mirror, at least what was left hanging upon the wall and not shattered on the floor. He was nothing more than a broken boy. A broken boy who would never make any difference. "You're never going to be a hero, you're nothing more than a coward." He turned away from his fractured reflection and looked down to his bloodied hand as he slipped to the floor. "You're no hero...you never will be." He whispered to himself as he closed his eyes and leaned his head against the cold stone wall. Maybe he really was just going out of his mind.

words: 935
tag: @anyone
ooc:

[ICARUS ALAWN LUGUBELENUS]

Icarus jumped to his feet when the slytherin boy walked out of the stall, his eyes flashing with misplaced aggression. What right did he have to speak to him as if he actually knew what was going on? His words only caused the ravenclaw's blood to boil. Icarus clenched his fists, he could feel the hot blood running down his fingers before it dripped to the ground. He knew about mortality better than most, he didn't need some prick to lecture him. Maybe Bryce was trying to be sympathetic but Icarus was too caught up in his own storm. He was consumed by anger and blood-lust.

His jaw was clenched tight as he tried to hold back every harsh word that begged to spill from his lips. Self control was something Icarus was lacking these days though. "That so Rosier? Well gosh, I'm just so glad you were here to give your pathetic words of wisdom otherwise I might I have, oh I dunno gotten along just bloody fine!" Icarus' voice raised in volume as he went on, the boy was unable to hold back the annoyance the other boy was making him feel. Bryce had struck an exposed nerve and Icarus was burning hot. Sleep deprivation had a way of bringing out of the worst in the Ravenclaw.

Icarus stepped towards the Slytherin. His knuckles had gone white form how tightly he had clenched his fists. Deep down Icarus knew he wasn't mad at Bryce. No, it was Drew who he wanted to see laying on the floor wrenching in pain and agony. But Bryce had poked a sleeping dragon. "Clearly you're an expect on my life though so please tell me more - go on, I mean you already started so why stop now, why don't you just give me more of your insightful opinions." Icarus was almost daring him to see what would happen if he opened his mouth in attempted to give him advice again. The aggression was clear in his glance. He tilted his head and waited, he could hear the blood rushing in his ears as his heart started to beat just a little faster.

words: 360
tag: @bryce
ooc: >.<