LUGUBELENUS, cleitus alcander. (wip)
May 26, 2014 19:57:41 GMT -5
ICARUS ALAWN LUGUBELENUS likes this
Post by CLEITUS ALCANDER LUGUBELENUS on May 26, 2014 19:57:41 GMT -5
cleitus alcander lugubelenus
CANON OR ORIGINAL:
- original
AGE:
- forty four
FACE CLAIM:
- linden ashby
YEAR:
- N/A
HOUSE:
- N/A
OCCUPATION:
- auror
BLOOD TYPE:
- half blood
WAND TYPE:
chestnut, mermaid scale, 101/2 inches
PETS:
- none
ABILITIES:
- none verbal magic
- occlumency
freestyle
four years. four years in the dark. until you've lost someone you love with all your soul, with all your being, you can not possibly imagine how hard it is to claw your way out of the never ending black hole that it drags you into. i'll never forget the moment i was told of my wife's fate. you always think that when you go into work things will proceed as always. that you'll do your job, and you'll do it well and then at the end of the day you go home and the next day will be the same. you don't imagine that by the end of the day, half your world will be gone. the very half that breathes essence into your soul, the half that had given you the only reason that your still breathing today. the pain that my son and i felt, was so very very different and yet at the same time, was exactly the same. the night i lost my wife, my son lost his mother. she was two different people to two different people, and that made all the difference. i didn't let my son go through the night, holed up in the room i had shared with my wife while people from the ministry worked to clean up the scene below. my son clutched in my arms while the pictures of my wife surrounded us. basked us in her essence and for just a little while longer i was able to imagine she was still with us. the days passed by in blur, family and friends and faces of people that started to run into one, all of them there as we said goodbye. the hardest word in the world to say. because there is no going back. not this time.
while saying goodbye to my wife i was caught thinking, for the last time in a long time, about how good out life had been. nothing had gone wrong up until we were teenagers, we'd grown up in the same street, gone to the same places and slept in each other's lounges more that once. though i was a few years older we were thick as thieves, but when i got my letter to hogwarts things got disconnected. while i was at school she kept on growing up, changing. but we still remained close friends while at the school. after a few years i had graduated, pulled into the work force by the never ending pile of bills that were sitting on my counter. if we skip a head a few years of memories that have nothing to do with my beautiful wife, we come back to our next meeting. after she graduated she'd become and auror just like i had and after pulling a few strings, i placed myself as her mentor, having seen her walk through the door and knowing once and for all that she was who i needed to be with. though it took a few months, a dangerous mission that had us fearing for our lives and a kiss in the midst of being scared that that was the end, it was fate. we dated, got married in a little church with our family and god she'd been beautiful. a vision on white, or ivory, i hadn't really payed attention to the dress, i was watching the pure happiness on her face. but all this was starting to seem so long ago, well i suppose it was. but it felt longer, more distant as it her not being in front of me made the memories harder to pull from the depth of my mind. while sitting there in the church, saying goodbye to my wife, in the same place i said 'i do' i started to reminisce about more things, as if thinking about her was the only way i was going to survive the day. i don't remember the speaking, or the flowers or what anyone was aying or who was even there, just me sitting there with my arm around my son thinking about the wife i was burying. we'd known each other forever, thought we'd be together forever but this was it, this was the end of our good luck. we'd had so much of it over the years that i suppose we should have expected some soon, but never this bad, nothing my wife had ever done in her lilfe had been enough for her to deserve this.
in the darkness i found an escape, something to ease the burden of my mind and allow it to, if only for a moment forget about the suffering i was going through, and the suffering my son was going through. endless nights of holding him through his nightmares, of telling him that everything was going to be okay and that i would always be there for him bore at my mind. it was almost too hard to keep telling him that when i didn't know myself for certain. but for his sake i kept saying those words, kept making them sound as true as i could because i couldn't stand the thought of him suffering any more than he could. while he was there with me at home, things had been easier. though every fibre in my body had wanted to keep him home with me, to keep him safe and in my sight so i could protect him, i knew he needed to go back to school, to get some normalcy back into his life and carry on with his life. the life that was so stretched out in front of him was blinding and terrifying for me to know i'd have to face, but it was his. and somewhere in the back of my mind was my wife's voice telling me to let him live it. so i did. and it almost killed me. having to send him back to the place that could help him prosper, i was lost. i turned back to my escape and dove into it. for the next three years i survived on auto pilot. not living, just existing. i went to work, i came home, i drank. the endless cycle never ending and never changing. there were times it got that hard that it started to look so bleak nothing would pull me out of it, but somehow i always found the strength to go on. i know it was my son, the reason that i managed to amble on through the days, weeks, months and then the years that followed. i thought that would be it. with no obvious way out of this black hole i was in, that was going to be me for the rest of my life.
but one night i dreamed of my wife. after years of dreaming of nothing but black holes and sinking i saw her face and something changed. i woke up and the world didn't look so awful. the more i kept seeing her the less horrible the world looked to me, as if her being in my thoughts and dreams was enough to start making the world look a little brighter.it was still horrible though, thinking i'd have to face it alone with my wife only in my dreams and my son at school, but the day felt a little easier. slowly but surely i kept waking up and the world kept getting brighter. i found myself slowly starting to smile at the pictures of my wife on the walls, to allow myself the memories of her and my son that i'd kept bottle up and in the back of my head for so long. like the day he'd been born. the feelings that had flooded through me when i'd seen the look on her face had been astounding. slowly i allowed myself to smile at them, to think back on the best times of our lives. the dates and our wedding. though i had to admit the memories of her cradling our son and singing him to sleep were the ones that got me through. four years. that's how long it took me to realise that i needed to live for her, and for those memories, otherwise her death would have been in vain. it's still hard, and every day i miss her more and more, but i know she's there, helping both me and the son we made together slowly move on with our lives. we'll never forget her, who she was and how much she meant to us, but the thought of living my life isn't as scary as it was four years ago.
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HEY MY NAME IS SHADOW, AND I ALSO PLAY OTHER TANNER WEASLEY, ALBUS POTTER AND LAURIE FLINT. I FOUND THE SITE THROUGH MEANS NEVER BEING ALLOWED TO LEAVE?.
TEMPLATE BY ELIZA @ SHADOWPLAY & RCR
